So many of you have said to me “I wish I could be like you…I wish I could be myself and not care what people think.”
I have to share with you that… unfortunately, you’re wrong about me.
Opening up and just speaking my truth…that’s something new for me. I spent the beginning part of my life adjusting my words and behaviours to match what I thought they were supposed to be.
I was hiding.
Then I got tired, I became unhappy. Stifled and confused.
So I took a leap of faith.
I did something terrifying, when I published that first blog.
I was so anxious that I almost puked. I was worried about what my friends would think. I was worried about embarrassing my family.
I was worried about how the Internet, how the world, would react (God forbid it went that far).
What everyone would think. Of me.
Guys…what I was worried about has kinda come true.
My first ever blog post was picked up by Yahoo news and by Diply. They gave a condensed version of my inspired story, painting me with their media-drivel paintbrush.
Regardless of my feelings on the interpretation of my story…their platform put my face, my words and my heart in front of MILLIONS. How exciting! Right?! should have been. But those millions?
They were being dickheads.
I scrolled through disgusting comments, judging me, my character, my worth and my family. Praying for my husband’s soul, sympathetic and concerned that he has to be tied down to someone like me. “Slut-shaming” me for having 3 children.
Some even going so far as to encourage me to kill my children and myself.
I wish I could tell you that I don’t care. That I am logically unaffected by this hatred. That I can move along, knowing that these people are just sharing the unhappiness that they tote around daily.
But that’s not true.
I care what people think.
Even asshole people, apparently.
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, reading their words. I want to crawl into a hole, deleting everything that I’ve built here. Retracting my vulnerability, I want to go back to keeping my thoughts to myself. Living in my safe albeit frustrating bubble.
So here I sit, as pictured above, resisting that urge to hide.
I’m consciously reminding myself of the tribe that I’ve found, in you guys. In the motivation to improve myself. To be true to who I am and to pave the way for anyone feeling the need to bust out of their own little lie bubble.
This is a lesson for me. A checkpoint of how far I’ve come…but also how far I have to go.
I care what people think. Denying that is pointless.
So here it is.
I’m uncomfortable for a reason. I’m affected by their words because I have growing to do.
So? I’m going to chug the rest of this glass of riesling and I’m going to warrior the fuck on. I’m working to nurture the badass, king mama in myself and I’ll be damned if I let that queenly bitch down.
I’m facing these bullshit demons head on.
Here’s the game plan, guys.
I have FOUND my people. I have found people that embrace and acknowledge all parts of me, even when I’m still working to do the same.
Those are the only opinions that I will value.
The trolls? The acquaintances that spread rumours and whisper behind my back. The family members that talk down to me, thinking that blood relation is an inherent right to pass judgement.
The Internet ghouls that feel powerful after slinging their insults like monkeys fling their shit…
Those opinions. I will not let those opinions affect me. I will not let those opinions dictate how I proceed to live my life.
Thank you for being my people. I embrace you and all of your imperfections. I respect your realness, in whatever dosages you want to share it with me. I acknowledge your short comings and hold no judgement.
Thank you, my people, for doing the same for me.
I am inspired, and happy to be “your people” too.



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